Friday, April 6, 2012

Bullied - My Story

I remember everyday crying to myself, hating myself, and just wanting it all to be over. I truly believe I was committing self-inflicted pain just by getting out of bed and getting dressed each morning. 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, 12 full agonizing years. School was my hell. Where could I turn? The teachers? Ha! They were instigators. One of my "nicknames" was given to me by my french teacher. He made use of my lack of understanding of the language, and made one single joke. My legs have extra bones in them that make running difficult. The teacher commented that I ran like a duck. The nickname Ducky ended up in my grade 8 year book, placed there by a student bully. Another teacher told me my epidermis was showing. That was my first day at PCPS. The whole class laughed, I cried. I was only 9 years old. I had left all of my previous bullies back at Laggan to come to this? New kids, new teachers, new bullies. One boy in particular would threaten to punch me in the face if he saw me at recess. We had recess 3 times a day. There are only so many places to hide. My grade 6 teacher would write notes home to my mother suggesting I get a hearing aid because clearly I wasn't listening properly. This note was not meant to help. I had no trouble listening, I had trouble being bullied by my teachers.

In high school it didn't get better. One day in English class the entire class started chanting "Dumbo", another nickname given to me due to my ears sticking our. They wouldn't stop and the teacher just wanted to treat us like adults so he wouldn't yell at them to make them stop. I ran out of class crying straight to Vice Principal's office, where he explained to me that he was unable to expel the whole school and faculty, so I might as well just leave and go to another school. I lived in a small town with only one high school, where else did he want me to go?!
The worst part? I would try to deflect the bullying off of me and onto another girl. It turns out this girl was getting sexually abused by her father daily. School was her only refuge and I made it hell for her. I am a victim, but I am also a bully. A fact that I can never shake.

Every person who has been bullied knows it has to stop. Some stop it with a gunshot, others with a suicide note. But it is not up to the victims to stop it. It's up to the rest of us. Go see this movie and share your story with someone. Maybe it will encourage them to know that they are not alone and that it doesn't have to end with a gunshot or suicide note.

It can end.

It will end.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Baltimore House...Forevermore

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” 
― Augusten Burroughs

Earlier tonight I posted an opinion piece that was not fully thought through. There is a local cafe in my city that has recently became one of my favorite spots. I had seen a twitter post about them putting on a "Seance Thursday" theme night. Immediately I was disappointed. Personal convictions and expediences have shown me that seances and other such events can have a real impact on people, and not always in a good way. That being said I did what I have always done; I wrote my thoughts down. In 2002 that would have been the end of the story as we didn't have the internet traffic like we do now. Nowadays, one can post something and with in minutes spread it all over the globe. This doesn't mean that the messages sent are any more or less powerful, just that they are more known. So when I posted on my little blog and twittered it out, I thought nothing of it. With in minutes I had people contacting me through many different forms of media. At first I was confused, I had just written a opinion piece... was there something I was missing? The answer was and is yes. I had written the post with my heart, and left out my brain. I did no research on what was really going on. On their webpage it clearly states what was going on...

   "The Baltimore House presents Hamilton’s darkest night of dancing and invite you to come get lost with us in the fog and lights! We spin the iciest and crispest post-dub, witch-house, new-wave, techno, hip-hop and R&B all night long in The Parlour and chilliest trip-hop, chopped/screwed sounds in The Maryland Room. You’ve never experienced anything like this before." - Description taken from their online calandar

That doesn't sound evil, probably because it isn't. Clearly I over reacted. I don't want to make excuses, I just want to say I am sorry.

I do however want to clarify a few things...
  • First off, I have been a huge fan of The Baltimore House since I first entered the doors. I have brought many of my friends there and will continue to. 
  • Secondly, after seeing many of my friends live a life full of darkness, depression while searching for hope in things like black magic and rituals of the sort, I cannot say that I personally support things like that. So in my books seances are not cool. Dancing to music with a smoke machine to give an eerie feel, totally cool.  
  • Thirdly, I'm not a closed minded individual, but that doesn't mean I always blab blog using my head. As this blog is called "Projected Knowledge and Presumed Stupidity", I normally just like to brain dump whatever is on my mind here...sometimes that's wisdom, but most nights as tonight it is just folly.
  • Fourthly, I love Hamilton. We have such creative and passionate people. I do truly think it is important to support those people in there endeavors. Keep urban exploring, our city has great things in it. 
  • Fifthly, please follow The Baltimore House on Twitter, like them on Facebook and visit them in the up coming days. I promise you won't be disappointed!  

Faith, Love & Dynamite <3

Monday, March 19, 2012

It Happened On A Monday

It's Monday and so far these events have happened to me:

I accidentally kissed a spider! I was looking out my window trying to see if my grandfather was down the street, as I pulled away from the window I saw him crawling right where my lips had been. The old wives tale says if you kill a spider it will rain. What happens if you kiss one?!

The second incident occurred once I was at school. My class in on the fifth story of a building, and I sit right next to a very large window. Today the windows were being cleaned. I was focused on my studies, (alright I lie, I was playing a computer game), and just so happened to glace out the window. Without any notice two men repelled down to my window and began squeegeeing. Before I could control myself, I screamed. The whole class, including the two window washers, burst into laughter.

I still have nine hours left of this Monday. Not looking forward to it, in fact I'll probably be looking over my shoulder.

Faith, Love & Dynamite! <3

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dominican Trip

I never wanted to go on a "mission trip". Travelling the globe singing songs with village children, ministering to people on the street, spending time with the ill and dying, hugging and loving the orphans. All these things were out of my comfort zone. I would have to be out of my mind to agree to going on one of these trips. There was no way - no how - just no!
    I might have my fears and reservations on certain experiences in life, but in the end my will to serve God trumps those. So when the Good Lord called me to go on this trip I carefully weighed my options:

  1. I could do as God commanded me to, and just go
  Or as Jonah so kindly figured out for me...

    2. I could not go and instead spend a few lovely days in a fish or some other horrible place God would use to get my attention.

After spending a little too long weighing my options, I found myself in a completely different country and on a mission trip. As it would often be quoted by Michelle on the trip "You have got to be kidding me!" - often ran through my mind on the first few days. I was constantly trying to figure out how I had gotten myself into this situation.

Those of you who know God and how He works can tell He was going somewhere with all this...

...that somewhere was Monday morning. We returned to the orphanage to do some crafts with the children. Up until this point everything was going just as I had expected. You see, before leaving we were briefed on the type of living conditions and culture shock we would encounter while on the trip. I had prepared myself for the worst.
    The unexpected happened when I sat beside a young girl to help her with the activity sheets we were doing. After years of schooling and learning to put your name on the top of your sheet, I did so rather automatically. The young girl I sat beside also wrote her name at the top of her sheet. She then pointed to my last named and asked what it meant. I explained to her it was my last name, the name of my family. A moment later the young girl wrote my last name on her paper as her own last name. At first I wanted to be like "No, wait! You have no idea what type of family you are getting into!" "We are not exactly the Brady Bunch; we have issues!" Then, at that moment, God quieted my heart and spoke. "It has been done. She is now your sister; her family is now your family and yours hers". I had prepared for so much but no one told me to prepare for the love that the people I met would have for me. That young girl without hesitations excepted me and all my faults. She simply just loved. I was gloriously overwhelmed. It was at that point I looked around the table and for the first time saw my family. These weren't just children in an orphanage anymore; these were my brothers and sisters. God had opened my eyes and heart to them.

Just to wrap this up - I had never felt "made" for missions. I never had a heart for it. But in a tiny orphanage in the Dominican Republic, with the use of my sister Noellia, God taught me that I don't need to be on fire for missions. He is on fire about it enough. I just need to be willing to go, He will take it from there.

Faith, Love and Dynamite<3

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tall People

I think all tall people should be friendly. As a person of smaller stature I must admit tall people make me nervous.  They stand there, towering over everyone. It's very unsettling. The least they could do would be to look down and smile once in a while. I know it'd make me feel better.

Faith, Love & Dynamite <3

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Angel Of Death

Death makes me nervous; not due to the fact that it is the end of my physical life, but because there are so many unknown variables. The variable that has me captured the most at the moment is the Angel of Death. I'm not sure if there is an actual figure, or if it is just something "Touched By An Angel" made up. If there happens to be an actual angel of death, I have a few requests. I want him to be named "Scotty", so when it is my time to go I can say "Beam me up Scotty!" My second request is that I want him to be like "Come, I have been ordered to take you to my leader." I do not really know. I just figure if there is going to be an Angel of Death, and if he is going to be my first encounter with the spiritual world ahead of me, I want him to be cool. I'm thinking a cross between Spock and The Predator from AVP. That's just me I guess. I'm weird like that. Deal with it.

Until later, 
Faith, Love and Dynamite <3

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Mafia Tendencies

I am not often a mean-spirited person. That being said, there are a few circumstances in which I can get volatile. One of those circumstances is when it comes to protecting my friends. I find myself taking on their battles and fighting with people who have done me no wrong. It is kind of like a mafia in my mind. I have a list of people who I will protect with all I got. What happens though when one person on my list hurts another person on my list? I find myself choosing sides. I turn my back on the friend who is lower on my list than the other. I wish I could find a way where I did not feel the need to protect one person at the expense of another. Tonight I have been rude to a guy who does not deserve it, or at least not from me. I feel conflicted because the reason I am being short with him is because he hurt my friend's feelings. At the same time, the end-result action that he took toward such friend is one that I fully agree with. So how do I stay loyal to two good friends, on opposite sides and still stay true to how I feel? One might say that it is none of my business, and that I should stay out of it. That person would be a wise person. However, my mafia tendencies are how I show my loyalties. Ugh, I feel bad.

Hopefully I'll figure this out one day. Until then, though...
Faith, Love & Dynamite